"Earino" (Spring): Fragment of a Lost Socratic Dialogue

Socrates meets his students—Halitosis, Leukemia, Diabetes, and Osteoporosis—in the woods near Athens known as the Academia.

Socrates: It is good to see you all again. We were discussing justice and the good life... Halitosis! What are you doing?
Halitosis: One minute, Socrates. My mom texted me that I forgot my lunch and I have to text her back...
Socrates: Well, okay. But then put that thing away, whatever it is. Haven’t we established that direct communication is the only true communication? As I was saying… You know Leukemia, it’s very hard for the other students to concentrate when your toga is so short…
Leukemia: But Socrates, it’s too hot here in Athens in the spring. And I have such nice legs. You want me to wear long togas like you old people? That’s so mean…
Socrates: That’s not really the point, Leukemia. When you consider… Diabetes! Are you here to learn or to eat? I can hear you chewing like a cow and it is distracting.
Diabetes: I’m not eating, Socrates. This is a breath freshener. In chewing gum form. It’s minty fresh. Would you like one?
Socrates: No, Diabetes, although it’s kind of you to offer. But, listen, is that what I find stuck to every stump and boulder in the Academia? The gods know I walked home yesterday with a chunk of that stuck to my sandal. It’s very annoying… Where was I? Oh, yes… Yes, Osteoporosis?
Osteoporosis: I have to work this afternoon and I feel terrible and I have a headache and I really want to take a nap before I go to work, so can I go now? There’s nothing really important happening here…
Socrates: Well, it’s obvious why not, isn’t it?
(End of fragment.)